Learning to FishWill - Classic Fishy Story

Mrs Baker wanted to go ice fishing. She had read several books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary equipment together, she made her way out onto the ice.

After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.

Frighteningly, from up above, a voice boomed, 'There are no fish under the ice.' Startled, Mrs Baker moved farther down the ice, poured herself a large coffee, and began to cut yet another hole.

Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, 'There are no fish under the ice.' Mrs Baker, now became very concerned so she moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and began again to cut her ice-hole.

The voice rang out once more, 'There are no fish under the ice.' Mrs Baker, stopped, looked upwards and said, 'Is that you, Lord?'

The voice replied, 'No, this is the Ice-Rink Manager.'

Will and Guy's Twenty Fascinating Facts and Titanic Trivia

• The ship was loaded with only enough lifeboats to hold half of the Titanic passengers. There were 20 of them with a total capacity of 1'178 people; many lifeboats were lowered to the waters only half-full.

• Further facts on the Titanic indicate that the ship received information earlier regarding the presence of ice floes in the vicinity, yet continued to speed full throttle ahead towards tragedy.

• Among the property reported as lost on the Titanic were over ,3000 bags of mail and an automobile. 

• Each first class passenger paid a whopping $4,350 for a parlour suite ticket and $150 for a berth ticket. 

• The ship contained a heated swimming pool, a first for any sailing vessel. 

• The ship was still so brand new when passengers boarded it on April 10th, 1912 that some of the paint was still wet. 

• Every stateroom contained electric lighting and heat. 

• Of the 1,517 people of perished in the sinking of the Titanic, only 306 bodies were recovered. 

• The largest percentage of survivors came from first class passengers. 

• Even though directions have been given for women and children to board the lifeboats first, a number of men were reported as survivors while a surprisingly large number of women and children perished in the disaster. Most of the women and children lost in the sinking came from second and third class. 

• Sadly, Captain Smith had made plans to retire after seeing the Titanic safely across the Atlantic on her maiden voyage. 

• It cost $7,500,000 to build the Titanic. 

• It took three years to fully construct the ship. 

• Among the provisions when the Titanic set sail in Southampton, England were 40,000 eggs, 75,000 pounds of fresh meat and 1,000 bottles of wine. 

• The Titanic's total capacity was 3,547 passengers + crew. 

• The Titanic's weight fully loaded was 46,328 tons. 

• The Titanic was 882 feet/268 meters long. 

• There were 29 boilers on board of the ship. 

• The ship consumed 825 tons of coal in one day. 

• The top speed of the Titanic was 23 knots.

50 Dollars is 50 Dollars

       Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. 'Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars.'

      One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther I'm 85 years old. if I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.' Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars.' The pilot over heard the couple and said, 'folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride; if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won't charge you! but if you say one word, it's 50 dollars.'

     Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. the pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. he did his dare devil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'by golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't . I'm impressed!'

    Morris replied, 'well I almost said something when Esther fell out, but, you know, 50 dollars is 50 dollars!'

A Pretty Penny

        An old penny pincher had no friends. Just before he died he asked his doctor, lawyer, and pastor to gather around him at bedside.

        "I have always heard that you can't take it with you. But I want to disprove that theory," he said. "I have $90,000 under my mattress, and when I die, just before they throw the dirt on me at my burial, I want you each to toss in an envelope with $30,000 within."

       The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope in the grave.
On the way back from the cemetery, the pastor said, "I must confess. I needed $10,000 for my new church, so I only threw in $20,000."

       The doctor then said, "I must confess too. I needed $20,000 for a new hospital I was opening up, so I only threw in $10,000."

       The lawyer looked at them both and shook his head. He then said, "Gentlemen, I'm surprised, shocked, and ashamed of you. I don't see how you could dare to go against that man's final wish. I mean, I threw in my personal check for the full amount..."

Old Friends

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a long time ... but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."  

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.

Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

Two Old Guys at Dinner

An elderly couple has dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives leave the tableand go into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one says, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'

The other man asks, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

The first man thinks and thinks and finally asks, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turns towards the kitchen and yells, 

'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?